True story. That shit really happened.

Shit Gets Real Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 3rd, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is playing a video game. He is recalling an incident from early in the day.

Green: Someone forgot to flush the toilet in the restroom today.

Panel Two

Green considers what he saw. It was not pleasant.

Green: It looked like a stew pot with two big, chunky carrots in it. Cartoonishly large and bright orange.

Panel Three

Green returns his focus to his game.

Panel Four

Green suddenly grows somber.

Green: I hope they see a doctor.

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Talk about brand loyalty. But it could have been worse. It could have happened at Burning Man.

What’s Trending: Shit-Trawling Transcript

The following is a transcript of the September 27, 2023, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is reading a headline on Green’s phone.

Red: “Woman rescued from outhouse toilet after climbing in to retrieve Apple Watch, Michigan police say.”

Panel Two

Green is skimming the article as he talks it over with Red.

Red: Look, I don’t think I would ever do something like that myself, but I respect the move.

Green: She really made the best of a shitty situation.

Caption: apnews.com/article/outhouse-toilet-rescue-apple-watch-michigan-412b00a58658eb32c36e9610a6714b9a

Real science shit.

Also, contact us to distribute RGBots in your newspaper or zine!

Science Fact #245 Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Nov. 23, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green leans in, excited to share a new segment for the webcomic!

Green: Hello Red! Do you have a Science Fact for us today?

Panel Two

Red starts relaying the first fact that comes to mind.

Red: There is a surprisingly larger amount of fecal matter in the human ear than you would expect.

Panel Three

Red can’t stop; this fecal ball continues to roll along.

Red: So, the next time your lover whispers sweet nothings into your ear… ask them if they have eaten ass lately.

Panel Four

Red keeps going, making it worse.

Red: Also, Q-tips just push the fecal matter deeper into your ear.

Everyone has their toilet stick, right?

Like Scooping Peanut Butter Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 30, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is hunched over in complex thought.

Green: You know, since they had a big boat stuck in the Suez Canal they really should have consulted me.

Panel Two

Green stares at the viewer quite self-assuredly.

Green: I know a lot about blockage.

Panel Three

Green stares into the distance. His back is to the reader.

Green: One piece of cheese? BAM! Gums up the system.

Panel Four

Low angle, looking up at Green. He appears very serious.

Green: That’s when I get… the stick.

Poop is funny.

Scattered Thoughts

This is a transcript of the March 11, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green, standing straight, looks at the viewer.

Green: Some people have suggested that our humor here at RGBots is “scatalogical”.

Panel Two:

Green leans forward sassily.

Green: The problem with that theory is that I have never played “Scattergories”.

Panel Three:

Green stares silently.

Panel Four:

Green towers over the viewer like a mad tyrant god, squinting.

Green: Checkmate, atheists.

A bot has to have his standards.

A Wild Hair Transcript

The following is a transcript for this RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green has raised his arms in alarm!

Green: Which of you monsters left the goddamn hair in the toilet?

Blue (off-screen): Was it a lot of hair?

Panel Two

Green stares at Blue and her audacity.

Green: No, a strand. I had to flush it down before I could take a dump.

Panel Three

Blue has raised a scolding hand.

Blue: That’s just wasting water, Green. Why did you just take your dump and then flush it all down in one go?

Panel Four

Green leans forward in shock and disgust.

Green: Are you serious? I don’t want hair all over my turds.