You know the crucifixion scene would have gone hard with whatever needle drop Tarantino chose.

The Toe-sen One Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 16h, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are having a conversation.

Red: One of the great things about living on this post-apocalyptic wasteland of Earth-

Blue: Which is established canon!

Red: Absolutely.

Panel Two

Red continues his point.

Red: One of the best things is having a complete record of human culture accessible to us. Which includes every movie ever made.

Panel Three

Blue weighs in with a thought.

Blue: Can you imagine being a human and not having experienced Quentin Tarantino’s surprise biblical epic?

Red: Right? It was a wonderful film.

Panel Four

Both robots continue to discuss the movie.

Red: The seven minute montage of Jesus washing people’s feet was a unique choice.

Blue: It was surprisingly emotional.

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We’re laughing our way to fiery deaths, but at least the jokes are fire. Fire, like the fiery deaths we are laughing our way to.

Red Dawning Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 8th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red, Green, and Blue are having a conversation. Blue and Green seem okay, but Red seems stressed.

Green: Huh, so we seemed to narrowly avoid World War Three this week, huh?

Blue: Haha, same time next week?

Red: NNNGH.

Panel Two

Red crashes out, centered in the frame, shouting.

Red: WE CAN’T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!

Panel Three

The camera is even closer to Red, but he can barely be seen behind his dialogue.

Red: WE ARE THE FROG IN THE POT AND TREATING ANY OF THIS AS A JOKE IS GOING TO BOIL US ALIVE!

Panel Four

We are even closer to red, but he is still barely seen because of the dialogue taking up the panel.

Red: HUMOR IS A MASK FOR DREAD, NOT THE SOLUTION!

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This is the 300th RGBots comic, not counting all those “What’s Trending” ones.

Crash Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 6th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are breaking bad news to Green.

Blue: Hey, Green, sorry. Turns out I can’t give you a ride to that anime convention.

Red: Also, I can’t dogsit for you.

Green: I bought these goddamn tickets four months ago!

Panel Two

Green is beside himself. Red tries to soothe him.

Red: Sorry, man, nothing to do.

Blue: Yeah, sorry. Maybe someone else can help you out?

Green: I ONLY KNOW YOU TWO!

Panel Three

Green is very stressed out.

GREEN: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT?!

Red: Damn, bro is crashing out.

Panel Four

Panel depicts a Windows 98 “Blue Screen of Death.”

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Though, does this really act as a surprise at this point?

What’s Trending: Easter Surprise Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 5th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

The image depicts an Easter 2026 Truth Social post from Donald J. Trump.

Post text: Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP

Panel Two

Green, Red, and Blue look terrified. The panel is overlaid with a red distorted visualization indicating extreme stress.

Green: I’m so tired of living in interesting times.

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But who was Daley?

Kash Money Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 26th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green approaches with an exciting discovery as he is holding his phone.

Green: Holy shit, guys! I just got an email from the director of the FBI. And he is offering me money!

Panel Two

Green takes the slings and arrows of his non-believing friends.

Red: Bullshit.

Blue: It was spam, Green.

Green: Oh yeah, read this!

Panel Three

Green’s phone has the email.

Email: “This is Mr Kash Patel the new Director of Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) . I found out that the delivery Agent that was supposed to deliver your fund to you did not do so and the fund is here in the FBI custody which is the reason why I am contacting you. I’m a very honest man and I do not lie, as I speak to you now, your fund is here in my custody so I want you to resend your information and I will get your fund delivered to your doorstep without any Daley. kindly message me back at kashpatel0023@gmail.com”

Panel Four

Red and Blue are shocked but buying in.

Red: Well, shit…

Blue: It certainly reads as dumb as fuck. This might be the real deal.

Green: Told you!

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See how a schedule holds up when you’re tired. It becomes mighty optional, then.

Unwelcome Advice Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 13th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green tries to rally Red and Blue to make a comic.

Green: Alright, gang. Time to make today’s comic.

Red: But it’s Friday. We’ve been updating on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Panel Two

Blue weighs in with a further scheduling inconsistency.

Blue: Yeah, and we updated on Monday earlier this week. What’s going on? Why is our schedule so different this week?

Panel Three

Green stands there, alarmed by the backtalk.

Panel Four

Green answers.

Green: Because fuck you, that’s why.

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This is what happens when you try to implement discipline in a craft.

Unwelcome Advice Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 9th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green enters the scene, his head having had the top half violently torn away.

Green: Guys… I fucked up today. Is it bad? It feels bad.

Panel Two

Blue and Red are alarmed at Green’s condition.

Red: Bruh, you’re missing the top of your fucking head.

Blue: What happened?

Panel Three

Green is having trouble remembering due to the brain trauma.

Green: My memory is a little fuzzy.

Panel Four

Green relays what he can.

Green: The last thing I remember was telling some community college creative writing students not to use self-insert characters. Everything went black after that.

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THIS COMIC IS FOR SEX-HAVERS ONLY IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD SEX GO BACK TO ROBLOX

Malawareness Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 20th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Green and discussing dating.

Green: I went on a date with a cute tablet last night.

Red: That sounds nice.

Panel Two

Green leans in, emphasizing the implication of his phrasing.

Green: We even “interfaced” if you get my meaning.

Red: You went port-to-port?

Green: Hell yeah.

Panel Three

Green seems a bit worried.

Green: But I think they might have had a irus.

Red: Should have had protection dude.

Panel Four

Green is embarrassed.

Green: I know, I’ve been getting pop-ups.

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Goo goo g’joob.

I am the Walrus Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 13th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green enters confidently and with excitement. He has an invitation!

Green: WHO WILL JOIN ME ON MY MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR?

Panel Two

Blue and Red consider.

Blue: Hmmm. No.

Red: Sure. Why not?

Panel Three

A black void with the text “LATER” appears. A transition.

Panel Four

Red relays the day’s excitement.

Red: So he drove us around the warehouse district in a golf cart while we were both on LSD. It was actually pretty fun.

Blue: Damn.

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Always, and forever…

FUCK ICE

ICE vs. Cow Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 5th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is outlining some important ideas.

Red: You can treat ICE agents as less than human because they have no souls.

Panel Two

Red doubles down.

Red: You can deny them bathrooms and food at your businesses.

Panel Three

Red continues to build on this point.

Red: They’re less than livestock.

Panel Four

Red has a smug expression, confident in his speaking a truth.

Red: At least a cow provides value through food and milk.

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They even sang the birthday song as well and it was horribly awkward. Fun times!

Tough Sheet Transcript

This is a transcript of the January 27th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are discussing Blue’s birthday at work.

Blue: one of my coworkers at the office brought in a sheet cake for my birthday.

Red: Wow, that was very nice.

Panel Two

Blue is not so sure.

Blue: It was.

Red: “Was?”

Blue: The problem is that everyone in the office was so kind they only took very small slices.

Panel Three

Blue continues to explain the issue.

Blue: So then I am left with a third of a sheet cake with no room in my fridge. And I refuse to hork down a third of a sheet cake in a day so I don’t have it sitting in my crowded fridge that night.

Panel Four

Blue comes to an important life lesson for you all.

Blue: A sheet cake is not a gift, it is an obligation.

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It was either pretending he was Donkey Kong or he was in his “Hunter S. Thompson” phase. It’s hard to tell.

Monkeying Around Transcript

This is a transcript of the January 8th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red updates us on what has been going on.

Red: Green just got that new Donkey Kong game and is being a real shit about it. When he’s not playing it, he’s pretending he’s Donkey Kong.

Panel Two

Red looks apprehensive about the situation.

Red: He keeps running around, grunting, and punching walls. I’ve been finding bananas everywhere.

Panel Three

Red seems a bit relieved.

Red: At least he is out of his Call of Duty phrase. That was a scary time.

Panel Four

Red does not appear to want to think back on that time.

Red: I once saw him try to start the microwave by unloading a full clip at it.

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The only problem is that all the tape and glue are sample sizes.

Budget Medical Transcript

This is a transcript of the January 6th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is discussing his insurance woes with Blue.

Red: I hate that my insurance premiums went up. This is so damn awful for everyone.

Blue: You still have insurance? In this economy?

Panel Two

Red continues, but is caught off guard by Blue’s question.

Red: I don’t know for how much longer, but yes. Wait, what do you do? Pay out of pocket for everything?

Panel Three

Blue reveals her method. Red is confused.

Blue: I use Dollar Tree.

Panel Four

Blue details her medical care and insurance alternative.

Blue: If something pops out, I glue it back in. If something splits, I tape it together. Glue and tape are cheap at the Dollar Tree.

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It’s like if there was a sequel to Goodfellas where they get into the White House, but instead of a movie it is real, we’re living it, and there are bodies left in the wake of these poor decisions.

What’s Trending: War Pig Transcript

This is a transcript of the January 3rd, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is checking the news on Green’s smartphone.

Red: Let’s just see what is going on in world news today. Oh. Oh, fuck.

Panel Two

Green looks at the phone.

Green: We’re just snatching up sitting heads of state now?

Red: Sounds like we got a new Epstein files dump coming.

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A Christmas Horror Story. Like that other Bob Clark Christmas movie.

You Will Be Visited by Three Spirits Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 25th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

A title card that reads; “The RGBots Christmas Carol: Abridged and Updated.”

Panel Two

Green standing against a black void.

Caption: THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS PAST

Green: You will never be able to relive your childhood Christmas joy, so you are lucky if you have good experiences. You have done better that most. Enjoy that.

Panel Three

Red stands against a black void.

Caption: THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Red: Christmas has been growing less and less joyful hasn’t it? You always hope to feel something again and keep growing more desperate to feel anything right?

Panel Four

Blue stands against a black void.

Caption: THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE

Blue: Nobody has celebrated Christmas since the emergence of the Spider-King during the Great Sundering of Earth.

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Rest assured, Jon Del Arroz is a complete fuckass of a human being and you can quote me on that. He’s also a fucking idiot who does not understand comics at all and pretends he is some cultural critic. Has he worked in the industry, sure, but complete idiots and bad people have done that before and his continually being pushed to the margins is the result of him being a huge piece of shit.

Can we just focus on that instead of inflicting violence on his wife over and over and over as a joke, please?

Even a simple Google search will give you enough ammunition to slap this idiot asshole grifter down. So let’s maybe not bring up domestic abuse at every opportunity, eh, Reddit?

Who do those jokes hurt the most? Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 18th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red, Green, and Blue are having a discussion about Jon Del Arroz and comics criticism.

Blue: Jon Del Arroz’s takes on comics shows that he lacks all media literacy.

Green: Is that the guy who beat his wife?

Panel Two

Blue is annoyed at the predictable discussion point.

Blue: Sigh, yes.

Red: Wow, the dude sounds like a huge piece of shit.

Blue: Yes, but-

Panel Three

Green exclaims, but Blue gets annoyed.

Green:  I hope every single Reddit post about his dumb takes mentions that!

Blue: CAN WE FUCKING STOP?!

Panel Four

Blue’s rage is so unbounded the entire text box fills the panel.

Blue: Can we not make the battery of women a punchline and just point out that he is a fucking moron? That should be enough. FUCK.

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Red, you continue to be the fucking dumbest box of shit out there.

Steel Reserved Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 16th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green has his face buried into his claws, agonized over the cost of business. Red is observing.

Green: These tariffs are killing me. I import 50 tons of steel every month. Do you know what the tax-rate on that is?

Panel Two

Red asks a question. A point of contention.

Red: Why?

Green (off-screen): Why what?

Red: Why are you importing 50 tons of steel every month?

Panel Three

Green stares at Red, not believing what he just heard.

Panel Four

Green explains that Red said something stupid.

Green: Because I don’t have the facility to manufacture it myself? What sort of dumb fucking question was that?

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Be sure to check out the ToS Agreement for Yahoo Chat from 1998 and then check out 1999. It’s totally there.

Kick ASCII Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 9th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is feeling nostalgic about the old days.

Red: I haven’t commented on an online discussion since 1998.

Panel Two

Red continues reminiscing about the early days of the internet.

Red: My first impulse when I see a shitty opinion is to threaten to come through the screen and drop kick them in the throat.

Panel Three

Camera pulls back, Red things about what he lost over the years.

Red: Pretty soon after, into 1999, I noticed that a lot of websites updated their Terms of Service agreements to include anti-drop kicking language.

Panel Four

Red glances up, thinking about time and his place in it.

Red: In any case, commenting on other people’s stupid posts just isn’t as fun anymore if I can’t threaten to drop kick them in their stupid faces. The internet has really changed.

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Red was asking for it, given that hostility.

Carve That Turkey Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 27th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue approaches Red.

Blue; Happy Thanksgiving.

Panel Two

Red responds quite rudely.

Red: What could you possibly have to be thankful for?

Panel Three

Blue appears fed up with Red.

Blue: That this is the last conversation you and I will ever have.

Panel Four

Blue pulls out a machete.

Blue: Time to die.

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We really pulled this one out of our asses.

Burning Question Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 25th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

A shot of white text on a black void of textured paper.

Question: If you could ask your creator one thing, what would it be?

Panel Two

Red answers the question.

Red: I guess I would ask why I was built with a butthole.

Panel Three

Red continues thinking about what he would ask.

Red: Well, I’d probably also ask why they designed it to be itchy all the time.

Panel Four

Red considers the implications.

Red: That feels kind of fucked up.

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Can’t carry a tune because he’s bleeding out.

Tone Death Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 20th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green and Red are standing side by side, their backs to the camera. They are looking out to the horizon in conversation.

Green: So, I got together with some coworkers the other night for karaoke.

Red: Sounds fun.

Panel Two

They stay in position. They continue speaking.

Green: Started that way. it was nice to hang out, but I got talked into performing.

Red: Uh oh.

Panel Three

Red asks a question.

Red: How bad was it?

Panel Four

We are zoomed in, closer to Green and Red their backs still to the camera.

Green: The fucking DJ shot me, man.

Red: I was wondering what that extra hole was for.

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We’ve all been in this situation where things become increasingly clear and someone has self identified.

By the way, this is based on a conversation regarding the webcomic Harbourmaster.

I Know What You Are Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 17th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red approaches Green about a comic he wanted him to read

Red: Hey, man, did you get that link to that comic I wanted you to read?

Green: Was just about to check it out actually.

Panel Two

Green has a question and shows his phone to Red.

Green: H-hey… is the bug supposed to be hot?

Panel Three

Red is confused, Green also appears confused.

Red: What?

Green: What?

Panel Four

Red is glaring at Green with a knowing look.

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DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME? WE INVADED TWO COUNTRIES OVER THIS.

Never Forget Transcript

This is a transcript of the September 11th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are speaking.

Red: It’s been 24 years.

Blue: That’s wild. I remember where I was.

Panel Two

Green approaches, curious why the vibe seems off.

Green: Hey, what’s up? Y’all seem a little somber.

Blue: 9-11.

Panel Three

Green pauses, thinking

Panel Four

Green panics.

Green: IT HAPPENED AGAIN?!

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You will never live in a society when you have an armed citizenry and you won’t have a single gun death. That is nonsense. It’s drivel. But I am — I think it’s worth it. I think it’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational. Nobody talks like this. They live in a complete alternate universe.

• Charlie Kirk (source here)

The irony is palpable.

The Final Voyage of C. Kirk Transcript

This is a transcript of the September 10th, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is checking out something on his phone and he gets an idea. Red responds to him.

Green: So, I am thinking about starting a punk band.

Red: Out of nowhere?

Green: Not necessarily.

Panel Two

Green elucidates.

Green: Inspiration sometimes hits you like a bullet.

Red: Right, so what do you plan on calling your band?

Panel Three

Green leans in, sharing his thoughts.

Green: I have two ideas, maybe you can help me decide?

Red: Sure.

Panel Four

Green lays out his options.

Green: So, I am leaning toward “Kirky Shoot” or “Turning Point Blank.”

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Feasting on feelings. Dining on doubts. Peckish for pathos.

Feelfilled Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 23rd, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue and Red are having a discussion.

Blue: I’ve been trying a new diet but it isn’t working for me.

Red: Why is that?

Panel Two

Blue explains.

Blue: I mean, the diet itself is fine, but the problem is I keep eating my feelings. So, I figure if I stop feeling things, I’ll do just fine.

Panel Three

Red is skeptical and questions Blue’s idea.

Red: How is that going, not feeling… things?

Panel Four

Blue thinks about it.

Blue: It feels kind of bad, honestly. I don’t think I’m doing it right.

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