I hope some bright young intern has a nougat of wisdom to see his treatment through.

Candyland Medical Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 20th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red approaches Green with news, and he seems frantic about it.

Red: Oh my God, Green. Terrible News!

Green: What’s up, Red?

Panel Two

Red explains the shocking news to Green.

Red: King Candy has cancer!

Green: What? What kind?

Panel Three

Green looks on in concern as Red relays what he knows.

Red (OS): All I know for sure is that they found a mallownoma.

Panel Four

Green falls out of the panel with a flip-take. A rimshot is heard. A bad pun has entered the world.

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It really is a problem.

Conte(nt/xt) Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 18th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is speaking to the audience.

Red: I have been writing down punchlines in my notes app for a while.

Panel Two

Red continues to speak.

Red: Sometimes I wait too long and lose the context and am left wondering what once was.

Panel Three

Red looks dejected.

Red: I like to think I was cooking with the single line entry that reads “pornography fair.”

Panel Four

Red sits, sad.

Red: But I guess I will never really know.

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You know the way to get rid of rats is by kicking them out, right?

Virtue Fishing Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 17th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is discussing her plan to try to earn a little money down the line by sharing her writing.

Blue: I’ve decided to start sharing some writing on Substack to get some eyes on it. Might lead to work later, you know?

Panel Two

Red protests!

Red: You picked a bad platform. There are fascists all over Substack!

Panel Three

Blue is shocked by the lack of support.

Blue: My brother in Christ. I am just trying to be able to feed myself.

Panel Four

Blue is dumbstruck.

Blue: I can just block the Nazis.

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Those people? COMMUNISTS.

Patriot Games Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 9th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is talking to Blue about a rumor he heard.

Red: There is a rumor going around that you’re a… foreign model.

Panel Two

Blue is shocked and defensive.

Blue: What? I am American as they come. I own more guns than books.

Panel Three

Blue builds her case.

Blue: I eat three hot dogs a day.

Panel Four

Blue continues to highlight her American nature.

Blue: Certain people are not allowed at my church.

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He has no hair, so he had to tear off his face.

Job Hunting Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 1st, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is asking Green about his current job search.

Red: Hey, buddy. How is the job hunt going?

Panel Two

Green stares blankly in a close-up.

Panel Three

Green punches himself in the face.

Panel Four

Green peels his faceplate off his head, revealing the underworkings.

Red (OS): Not well, I take it?

Green: Could be better.

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Green’s been so lazy that there isn’t even an extra joke here.

Alternative Development Perspectives Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 23rd, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is speaking to the reader about some life changes.

Green: I’ve been in a transitional period regarding my career, and I have been taking time to recharge and evolve. Working on my personal development.

Panel Two

Green lays out his vision.

Green: I feel a good sense of growth is coming from this, and I expect great things ahead.

Panel Three

Red and Blue have counterpoints that they express.

Red: You’ve been “recharging” for two weeks, you lazy asshole.

Blue: Sleeping all day doesn’t count as “personal development.”

Panel Four

Green storms off in a hurry.

Green: Oh, look. My social battery is drained.

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If they’re so concerned with pounding, let them lose a couple of teeth in the process.

Sometimes violence is the answer.

Leadership with Impact Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 9th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is approaching Blue, asking a question.

Red: What are you up to?

Blue: Well, I figured with the midterm elections coming up, now is the time to start planning my presidential bid.

Panel Two

Blue elaborates and asks Red for feedback.

Blue: I am currently grappling with a key piece of policy. Can I ask you to hear me out?

Red (OS): Okay.

Blue: Okay, so my proposal is this…

Panel Three

Blue explains the thinking behind a bold new social policy.

Blue: You are legally allowed to punch anyone who uses the term “Foid” in the mouth. Better, we hold a stadium event every year and televise incels being punched in the mouth, one at a time, by marines of my choosing.

Panel Four

Red mulls over the policy.

Red: It’s a pretty simple policy, but sounds effective.

Blue (OS); I want to deliver day one actions.

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At this point, what is stopping them from just hauling your ass in and fixing you?

Targeted Marketing Targeting Target Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 2nd, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is speaking to Red about something he saw earlier.

Green: I saw an ad about free therapy today and thought of you.

Panel Two

Green thinks about it.

Panel Three

Green asks another question.

Green: Did you want the information?

Panel Four

Green presses the issue.

Green: You broke-ass crazy-pants?

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You can’t stop us from injecting ourselves into your party because we technically qualify as a webcomic.

Mandatory Comic Day Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 11th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green, Red, and Blue are celebrating Webcomic Day!

Green: Happy Webcomic Day from your friends at RGBots!

Panel Two

Close-up of Red.

Red: You don’t have to like us.

Panel Three

Close-up of Blue.

Blue: But you do have to include us.

Panel Four

Close-up of Green.

Green: We get to go to more birthday parties that way.

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You’re welcome to debate this in the comments, but you would be wasting your time developing practical skills, like developing good opinions.

The Burden of Good Taste Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 9th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is ranting to the reader.

Red: When something new comes out that I like, I have a bad habit of checking out the comments of others. Just to see if anyone else thinks it is as rad as I think it is.

Panel Two

The frame crops in closer on Red, who appears pensive.

Red: Inevitably, it ends up being people bitching or complaining about the exact things I find interesting.

Panel Three

Red illustrates his confidence and resolve.

Red: You’d think that would grow discouraging and that maybe I would start questioning myself and why this happens.

Panel Four

Red gets to his point.

Red: But at this point it just proves everyone else’s taste is utter dogshit compared to mine.

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We all have our individual style with different friends. Green just happens to hate Red.

Morning Tradition Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 1st, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is leaning into the frame, clearly addressing someone.

Green: Well, well, well… If it isn’t King Piss of Fuck-Shit Mountain.

Panel Two

The frame is pulled back, and we see he was addressing Red.

Panel Three

There is no reaction; this just hangs in the air.

Panel Four

The frame pulls in tighter as Red responds.

Red: Good morning to you, too, Green.

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If you can’t hear their accents, it may be that you’ve not been seeing the animated video files associated with each strip. Just click around and look very, very hard.

They’re there, I swear. This is not an attempt to dredge up more ad revenue.

Thank you for the question, ItsFriday!

Lost in Translation Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 28th 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Black void with white text.

Caption: ItsFriday Asks: I assume the language you speak is translated to human understandable English in the comics. How is your native language working?

Panel Two

Blue is first.

Blue: Actually, our native language is English. We just have wildly different accents.

Panel Three

Red chimes in as Blue continues her point.

Blue: I happen to speak with a Transatlantic accent. I thought it was fairly obvious.

Red: I’m sure it’s not hard to realize I come from Southern Texas.

Panel Four

Green is last to respond.

Green: And I speak with whatever British accent a sickly Victorian orphan spoke in.

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It’s the simple things.

Thank you for the question, CouchGregor!

Hobby Time Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 23rd 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Black void with white text.

Caption: CouchGregor Asks: What is the most comfortable element of your time?

Panel Two

Blue is first.

Blue: Bullying Red.

Panel Three

Green is second.

Green: Bullying Red.

Panel Four

Red is last to respond.

Red: I like to read.

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Not sure who uploaded this one and there is nothing you can say to prove otherwise, pissboys.

NOT UNDER DURASS Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 21st, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Panel depicts Red standing with dialogue boxes scribbled over with new text. The image quality is terrible.

“Red”: I AM RED I AM a DUMB BITCH ASSHOLE

Panel Two

Still janky and low quality. Still depicting Red.

“Red:” gGreen IS SO COOL BEST FRIED

Panel Three

The quality is getting worse.

“Red”: I OWN HIM ALL MONEY THIS IS LEGAL

Panel Four

Clearly, this is the work of someone with a history of head injuries.

“Red”: I AM ALLIVE CURRENTLU DON’T NOT SEND POLICE TO SEE GREEN

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Which drunk? Hegseth or Patel?

Oh, wait, this is a metaphor.

What’s Trending: Strait Dope Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 19th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is commenting on recent news.

Red: The Strait of Hormuz situation is so embarrassing. It’s like watching a drunk person closing a broken door, starting to walk away, only for the door to pop back open, requiring them to try again. Repeat a half-dozen times.

Panel Two

Red continues to rant.

Red; Only now there are fucking missiles involved, and the door was broken by the drunk guy to begin with.

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You know the crucifixion scene would have gone hard with whatever needle drop Tarantino chose.

The Toe-sen One Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 16h, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are having a conversation.

Red: One of the great things about living on this post-apocalyptic wasteland of Earth-

Blue: Which is established canon!

Red: Absolutely.

Panel Two

Red continues his point.

Red: One of the best things is having a complete record of human culture accessible to us. Which includes every movie ever made.

Panel Three

Blue weighs in with a thought.

Blue: Can you imagine being a human and not having experienced Quentin Tarantino’s surprise biblical epic?

Red: Right? It was a wonderful film.

Panel Four

Both robots continue to discuss the movie.

Red: The seven minute montage of Jesus washing people’s feet was a unique choice.

Blue: It was surprisingly emotional.

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We’re laughing our way to fiery deaths, but at least the jokes are fire. Fire, like the fiery deaths we are laughing our way to.

Red Dawning Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 8th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red, Green, and Blue are having a conversation. Blue and Green seem okay, but Red seems stressed.

Green: Huh, so we seemed to narrowly avoid World War Three this week, huh?

Blue: Haha, same time next week?

Red: NNNGH.

Panel Two

Red crashes out, centered in the frame, shouting.

Red: WE CAN’T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!

Panel Three

The camera is even closer to Red, but he can barely be seen behind his dialogue.

Red: WE ARE THE FROG IN THE POT AND TREATING ANY OF THIS AS A JOKE IS GOING TO BOIL US ALIVE!

Panel Four

We are even closer to red, but he is still barely seen because of the dialogue taking up the panel.

Red: HUMOR IS A MASK FOR DREAD, NOT THE SOLUTION!

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This is the 300th RGBots comic, not counting all those “What’s Trending” ones.

Crash Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 6th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Blue are breaking bad news to Green.

Blue: Hey, Green, sorry. Turns out I can’t give you a ride to that anime convention.

Red: Also, I can’t dogsit for you.

Green: I bought these goddamn tickets four months ago!

Panel Two

Green is beside himself. Red tries to soothe him.

Red: Sorry, man, nothing to do.

Blue: Yeah, sorry. Maybe someone else can help you out?

Green: I ONLY KNOW YOU TWO!

Panel Three

Green is very stressed out.

GREEN: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT?!

Red: Damn, bro is crashing out.

Panel Four

Panel depicts a Windows 98 “Blue Screen of Death.”

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Though, does this really act as a surprise at this point?

What’s Trending: Easter Surprise Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 5th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

The image depicts an Easter 2026 Truth Social post from Donald J. Trump.

Post text: Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin’ Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell – JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP

Panel Two

Green, Red, and Blue look terrified. The panel is overlaid with a red distorted visualization indicating extreme stress.

Green: I’m so tired of living in interesting times.

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But who was Daley?

Kash Money Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 26th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green approaches with an exciting discovery as he is holding his phone.

Green: Holy shit, guys! I just got an email from the director of the FBI. And he is offering me money!

Panel Two

Green takes the slings and arrows of his non-believing friends.

Red: Bullshit.

Blue: It was spam, Green.

Green: Oh yeah, read this!

Panel Three

Green’s phone has the email.

Email: “This is Mr Kash Patel the new Director of Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) . I found out that the delivery Agent that was supposed to deliver your fund to you did not do so and the fund is here in the FBI custody which is the reason why I am contacting you. I’m a very honest man and I do not lie, as I speak to you now, your fund is here in my custody so I want you to resend your information and I will get your fund delivered to your doorstep without any Daley. kindly message me back at kashpatel0023@gmail.com”

Panel Four

Red and Blue are shocked but buying in.

Red: Well, shit…

Blue: It certainly reads as dumb as fuck. This might be the real deal.

Green: Told you!

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See how a schedule holds up when you’re tired. It becomes mighty optional, then.

Unwelcome Advice Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 13th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green tries to rally Red and Blue to make a comic.

Green: Alright, gang. Time to make today’s comic.

Red: But it’s Friday. We’ve been updating on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Panel Two

Blue weighs in with a further scheduling inconsistency.

Blue: Yeah, and we updated on Monday earlier this week. What’s going on? Why is our schedule so different this week?

Panel Three

Green stands there, alarmed by the backtalk.

Panel Four

Green answers.

Green: Because fuck you, that’s why.

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This is what happens when you try to implement discipline in a craft.

Unwelcome Advice Transcript

This is a transcript of the March 9th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green enters the scene, his head having had the top half violently torn away.

Green: Guys… I fucked up today. Is it bad? It feels bad.

Panel Two

Blue and Red are alarmed at Green’s condition.

Red: Bruh, you’re missing the top of your fucking head.

Blue: What happened?

Panel Three

Green is having trouble remembering due to the brain trauma.

Green: My memory is a little fuzzy.

Panel Four

Green relays what he can.

Green: The last thing I remember was telling some community college creative writing students not to use self-insert characters. Everything went black after that.

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THIS COMIC IS FOR SEX-HAVERS ONLY IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD SEX GO BACK TO ROBLOX

Malawareness Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 20th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Green and discussing dating.

Green: I went on a date with a cute tablet last night.

Red: That sounds nice.

Panel Two

Green leans in, emphasizing the implication of his phrasing.

Green: We even “interfaced” if you get my meaning.

Red: You went port-to-port?

Green: Hell yeah.

Panel Three

Green seems a bit worried.

Green: But I think they might have had a irus.

Red: Should have had protection dude.

Panel Four

Green is embarrassed.

Green: I know, I’ve been getting pop-ups.

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Goo goo g’joob.

I am the Walrus Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 13th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green enters confidently and with excitement. He has an invitation!

Green: WHO WILL JOIN ME ON MY MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR?

Panel Two

Blue and Red consider.

Blue: Hmmm. No.

Red: Sure. Why not?

Panel Three

A black void with the text “LATER” appears. A transition.

Panel Four

Red relays the day’s excitement.

Red: So he drove us around the warehouse district in a golf cart while we were both on LSD. It was actually pretty fun.

Blue: Damn.

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Always, and forever…

FUCK ICE

ICE vs. Cow Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 5th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is outlining some important ideas.

Red: You can treat ICE agents as less than human because they have no souls.

Panel Two

Red doubles down.

Red: You can deny them bathrooms and food at your businesses.

Panel Three

Red continues to build on this point.

Red: They’re less than livestock.

Panel Four

Red has a smug expression, confident in his speaking a truth.

Red: At least a cow provides value through food and milk.

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