True tales to astonish.

Dumpster Driving Transcript

This is a transcript of the September 10th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue and Green discuss hanging out last night.

Blue: It was fun hanging out last night.

Green: Yeah, for sure.

Blue: What did you do when you got home?

Panel Two

Green explains his night.

Green: I decided to take out the trash and encountered two unhoused gentlemen fucking behind the dumpster.

Panel Three

Blue stares in horror.

Panel Four

Green explains some phrasing.

Green: I want to use the phrasing of “walked in on,” but that’s not necessarily possible given that they were fucking behind a dumpster.

You can ask the RGBots a question any time you’d like, and they may answer it in a comic! You can help support the comic with donations and subscriptions to the webhost.

You will fuck, and you will be fucked… to unite this country.

Switch It Up Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 7th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is thinking

Blue: I don’t believe in tops or bottoms.

Panel Two

Blue continues to reason things out.

Blue: Class division has done enough damage to society.

Panel Three

Blue conveys a philosophy.

Blue: Don’t let the system keep you face down, ass up.

Panel Four

A final message from Blue.

Blue: We need to be more versatile as a culture and switch things up.

You can ask the RGBots a question any time you’d like, and they may answer it in a comic! You can help support the comic with donations and subscriptions to the webhost.

THIS COMIC IS FOR SEX-HAVERS ONLY IF YOU HAVE NOT HAD SEX GO BACK TO ROBLOX

Malawareness Transcript

This is a transcript of the February 20th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Green and discussing dating.

Green: I went on a date with a cute tablet last night.

Red: That sounds nice.

Panel Two

Green leans in, emphasizing the implication of his phrasing.

Green: We even “interfaced” if you get my meaning.

Red: You went port-to-port?

Green: Hell yeah.

Panel Three

Green seems a bit worried.

Green: But I think they might have had a irus.

Red: Should have had protection dude.

Panel Four

Green is embarrassed.

Green: I know, I’ve been getting pop-ups.

You can ask the RGBots a question any time you’d like and they may answer it in a comic! You can help support the comic with donations and subscriptions to the webhost.

Good thing the guy asking the question was a friend or this would be really mean.

Read Kevin’s book, The Errant Apprentice, right now.

Reader Question: A Haunting Thought Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 2nd, 2025, RGBots comic.

Panel One

A black void has white text, a reader question.

Text: Kevin Asks: Do the RGBots fuck?

Panel Two

Blue deadpans at the screen.

Blue: I would say “ask your mom.”

Panel Three

Blue pauses, thinking something over.

Panel Four

Blue continues speaking.

Blue: But I don’t have a spirit board on me.

You can ask the RGBots a question any time you’d like and they may answer it in a comic! You can help support the comic with donations and subscriptions to the webhost.

You can see the penis and vulva in the game, Baldur’s Gate 3 is GOTY.

With Gates Wide Open Transcript

This is a transcript of the January 15, 2024, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is talking to Blue.

Red: How are you enjoying Baldur’s Gate 3?

Panel Two

Blue seems to be staring into the distance, processing.

Blue: It’s radically shifted my thinking on polyamory. Do I want to fuck the hot vampire? Do I want to correct the sassy cleric?

Panel Three

Blue is still deep in thought.

Blue: The battle-hardened fighter sure gets my attention. And the seven foot tall clockwork barbarian… swoon.

Panel Four

Red interrupts, wanting to know about something.

Red: So, how is the gameplay?

Blue: The what?

Is it possible to hold libertine ideals while being withholding?

It’s a matter of preference. Transcript

This is a transcript of the October 6, 2023, RGBots comic.

Panel One

The panel depicts a shot between Red and Green, who are turned from the camera and staring into the distance as they talk. This is held across three panels.

Red: Don’t you think it’s a little weird to have favorite porn stars, plural? Like, five or more?

Green: Absolutely not.

Panel Two

Green: Knowing what you want and how to find it is just being true to what you like. Besides, it’s not like you want the same thing at all times.

Panel Three

Red: Well, okay, so name a couple you like.

Green: Nope.

Red: Well why not? You just said it’s not weird.

Panel Four

Green stares Red in the face, being firm in his position.

Green: I refuse to give you any power over me.

Bump and grind.

Rough Sex Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 16, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green has a question for Blue.

Green: Hey Blue… Is it normal to cry during sex?

Panel Two

Blue is wary.

Blue: … I guess it can be.

Panel Three

Green looks relieved.

Green: Oh, good.

Panel Four

A close-up shot of Green.

Green: That belt-sander really hurts.

I’d give that astromech a little astroplay.

The Droids You’re Looking For Transcript

This is a transcript of the second February 28, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red brings up a new development to Green.

Red: Did you hear about that new Star Wars hotel that costs thousands of dollars to stay in?

Panel Two

Green is not impressed yet…

Green: Sounds like a waste of money… unless…

Red: Unless what?

Panel Three

Green leans in toward Red.

Green: Do you get to fuck the droids?

Red: What?

Panel Four

Green is creeping closer. Red appears nervous.

Green: DO. YOU. GET. To FUCK. R2D2?

Sex safely, everyone.

Pro Boner Transcript

This is the transcript of the June 15, 2021 RGBots

Panel One: Green, on the left, leans toward Red, on the right.

Green: Hey Red, do you practice safe sex?

Panel Two: The two bots in close up.

Red: Why yes, I happen to have a sex lawyer on retainer.

Green: A sex lawyer?

Panel Three: A close up of Red in all his stumpy glory.

Red: Certainly, it is to ensure any dirty talk is not actionable in court.

Panel Four: Green leans toward Red with a finger on his chin thinking.

Red: As I say, don’t let a one-night stand put you on the stand.

Green: Heh. Cunnilitigation.

It was very strange to wake up and see my nickname trending.

What’s Trending – #TheCumPipe

This is a transcript of the March 15, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green is scrolling through his phone.

Green: #TheCumPipe is trending at about 7:30 AM on a Monday.

Panel Two:

Green looks up at the viewer.

Green: I don’t know if the credit goes to Horny Twitter, Shitposting Twitter, or Black Twitter, but. . .
Bravo.

Jesus, Blue. Calm down.

Indiana Jones and the Sexual Awakening

This is a transcript of the March 2, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Blue stands looking at the viewer.

Blue: Remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indiana Jones chokes that Nazi lady?

Panel Two:

We are slightly closer to Blue

Blue: Harrison Ford’s thick, rugged fingers gripped around her delicate throat?

Panel Three:

We are in Blue’s “face” as it were.

Blue: Him dwarfing her as she is completely in his grasp, staring up at him?

Panel Four:

We have thankfully backed away from Blue.

Blue: Because I sure do.

Beep Beep. :o)

Autorotica Transcript

The following is a transcript of the January 18, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green stands in the blue void.

Green: I have a complex relationship with cars.

Panel Two

Green leans forward.

Green: I’ve been hurt too many times before.

Panel Three

Extreme closeup on Green showing his eyes.

Green: Their exhaust pipes keep burning my unit.

Panel Four

Blue stands there, shocked and dumbfounded.

Blue: How did you get through Uber’s driver screening process?

What a mouthful. Ironically, this is comic #69 in the archive. Nice.

Oral Examination Transcript

The following is a transcript for this RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green, to Blue: “Hey Blue, what are your thoughts on oral sex?”

Panel Two

Blue: “It’s gross.”

Green: “Pardon?”

Panel Three

Blue: “I’m sorry, that was unclear. You’re gross.”

Panel Four

Green: “Yeah that’s fair.”

The sad reality is that he got the STD from a dumpster (don’t ask).