True tales to astonish.

Dumpster Driving Transcript

This is a transcript of the September 10th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue and Green discuss hanging out last night.

Blue: It was fun hanging out last night.

Green: Yeah, for sure.

Blue: What did you do when you got home?

Panel Two

Green explains his night.

Green: I decided to take out the trash and encountered two unhoused gentlemen fucking behind the dumpster.

Panel Three

Blue stares in horror.

Panel Four

Green explains some phrasing.

Green: I want to use the phrasing of “walked in on,” but that’s not necessarily possible given that they were fucking behind a dumpster.

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WE LIKE TO PARTY

Hey now, hey now, hear what I say now Transcript

This is a transcript of the September 8th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green asks for a report from the defensive front of some unknown crisis.

Green: What news from the front?

Blue: One of our scouting party was hurled back to us by catapult, beheaded, with a note stuffed into the stump of their neck. All the note said was “we like to party.”

Panel Two

Green is shocked.

Green: My god.

Panel Three

Blue continues her report.

Blue: Further reports have spotted some strange transportation carrying masses of soldiers.

Green (OS): What is this vehicle called?

Panel Four

Blue finishes her report.

Blue: My Lord, it is called the Vengabus… and it is coming.

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If you ever partied with the line cooks, you’d know they are about 50% cocaine and 50% white Monster Energy.

Booger Sugar, Salt, Fat, Acid and Heat Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 27th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is interviewing for a job.

Blue: So what are you interested in being a line cook for my restaurant?

Green: I have a passion for service and cooking.

Panel Two

Blue continues her interview.

Blue: I see you chose to disclose that you spent a year in treatment for narcotics?

Panel Three

Green is honest with Blue.

Green: I used to have a coke problem, but I quit.

Panel Four

Blue has bad news.

Blue: I’m sorry, we’re looking for someone more committed.

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Nothing about the rapid eroding of alliances should have any bearing on how we think about this story whatsoever.

It’s probably nothing, right? Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 25th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green sits at a desk; beside him is a headline graphic that reads “Big T-ruble in Little Moscow.”

Green: It’s time for RGBots News. I am your anchor, Green.

Panel Two

Green reads some news from his tablet.

Green: Today it was discovered that CIA Director John Ratcliffe set down in Russia for a meeting in Moscow. Despite his name, there is no indication he is actually part rodent.

Panel Three

Green continues his story.

Green: We reached out to the CIA for a statement regarding the nature of this highly unusual meeting. The response we received was “We’re planning to do a Red Heat 2. Doesn’t that sound fun? Y’all like legacy sequels, right?”

Panel Four

Green wraps his report.

Green: There was no comment on what appeared to be several briefcases full of money at the scene.

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I hope some bright young intern has a nougat of wisdom to see his treatment through.

Candyland Medical Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 20th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red approaches Green with news, and he seems frantic about it.

Red: Oh my God, Green. Terrible News!

Green: What’s up, Red?

Panel Two

Red explains the shocking news to Green.

Red: King Candy has cancer!

Green: What? What kind?

Panel Three

Green looks on in concern as Red relays what he knows.

Red (OS): All I know for sure is that they found a mallownoma.

Panel Four

Green falls out of the panel with a flip-take. A rimshot is heard. A bad pun has entered the world.

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We’re not so crazy to accuse MrBeast of being the antichrist. Being a content creator is bad enough.

By His Mark Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 14th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

White text that reads MRBEAST is on a black background.

Green (OS): Enhance.

Panel Two

White text that reads MRBEAST is on a black background. The text appears bigger, like we are zooming in on it.

Green (OS): Enhance.

Panel Three

We have zoomed in so closely that we see a 666 appear between the “R” and “B” of MRBEAST.

Panel Four

Green clutches his head in shock and surprise.

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Next week: Killer tomatoes.

Feast or Farming Transcript

This is a transcript of the August 11th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green sits at the RGBots News desk. The story card reads “Peter Piper Picked a Pickled Plague?”

Green: Welcome to RGBots News, I am your anchor, Green.

Panel Two

Green conveys the lead story. A caption has a link to a CNN Story about Taylor Farms.

Green: More troubling news from Taylor Farms this week following several recalls, most recently involving avocados and jalapeños. Mexican food fans continue to suffer.

Caption: www.cnn.com/2026/08/10/salmonella-jalapeno-taylor-farms

Panel Three

Green hands the broadcast over.

Green: For the latest in this ongoing health crisis, we turn to Blue at the scene. Blue?

Blue: Thank you, Green.

Panel Four

Blue continues the news segment.

Blue: It has been reported that the dead are beginning to rise after consuming Taylor Farms produce and having brief, sudden bouts of terminal illnesses. The US Food and Drug Administration’s current advice is to “not worry about it.” I saw a farmworker eat a man, Green.

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I still don’t know what their stance is on Palestine; I just see a lot of pictures of crying kids and bombed-out tent cities with the text “maybe?” stenciled on them.

Ideological Art: Part Two Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 24th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green and Blue are talking about Blue’s most recent art show experience.

Blue: I decided to check out the Democrat art show this time.

Green: How did that one go?

Panel Two

Blue continues.

Blue: AIPAC Brownshirts pulled me into a room and interrogated me for an hour. They made me sign a pledge committing myself to support Israel.

Panel Three

Green just stares as Blue continues.

Blue: There was a lot of Trump art featuring diapers and obesity.

Panel Four

Blue finishes describing her experience.

Green: That sounds pretty bad.

Blue: They made me join a mailing list before I could leave, Green. I keep getting fundraising emails. They are getting walloped in every state and need my support now.

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It transitioned so quickly into a gun show a few aisles in.

Ideological Art: Part One Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 21st, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green and Blue are talking about Blue’s recent art show experience.

Blue: I decided to check out the Republican art show.

Green: Why?

Blue: Morbid curiosity.

Panel Two

Green asks for more information.

Green: How was it?

Blue: Not great. A lot of memes, but the worst versions of them.

Panel Three

Blue continues.

Blue: Hundreds of violations of US Flag Code.

Panel Four

Blue continues to complain about the experience.

Blue: A lot of weirdly fetishistic images of trans folk. Homoerotic swole Trump. They inspected my genitals on the way in.

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We’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but fuck can that be a challenge.

What’s Trending: Farewell, Ladybug Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 12th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is sitting at his news desk with a tablet, reading news.

Green: Breaking news, as it turns out, Sen. Lindsey “Ladybug” Graham has passed away due to a brief and sudden illness. To avoid editorializing, I am just going to go silent now.

Panel Two

Green tries to stay silent.

Green: … This is really hard.

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Did Pepsi pull a rape joke? You decide.

Spoiler: Probably not.

What’s Trending: Pepsi’s Challenged Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 7th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is looking at a reaction to a Pepsi post on Threads, which reads: “Pepsi Wild Cherry is what happens when regular cherry stops asking permission.”

Green: Wow, my first marketing pitch ended up being controversial. I may need to rethink my next pitch.

Panel Two

Green states his next pitch.

Green: “Pepsi Wild Cherry raw dogs your taste buds.” Maybe I can throw a “respectfully” in there.

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He has no hair, so he had to tear off his face.

Job Hunting Transcript

This is a transcript of the July 1st, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is asking Green about his current job search.

Red: Hey, buddy. How is the job hunt going?

Panel Two

Green stares blankly in a close-up.

Panel Three

Green punches himself in the face.

Panel Four

Green peels his faceplate off his head, revealing the underworkings.

Red (OS): Not well, I take it?

Green: Could be better.

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These robots play some weird fucking games sometimes.

Knock Glock Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 30th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green approaches.

Green: Knock knock.

Panel Two

Blue responds.

Blue: Who is there?

Panel Three

Green pulls out a gun, looking at Blue.

Panel Four

Green speaks.

Green: Why, your neighborhood door-to-door gun salesman, of course!

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Irony is dead.

Robo Caller Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 27th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is on the phone with an automated messaging system.

Green: Representative.

Panel Two

Green is still on the phone with an automated messaging system.

Green: Representative. REP-RE-SENTA-TIVE.

Panel Three

Green is still on the phone with an automated messaging system.

Green: Sigh. Representative.

Panel Four

Green is fed up.

Green: I hate automation.

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Green’s been so lazy that there isn’t even an extra joke here.

Alternative Development Perspectives Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 23rd, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is speaking to the reader about some life changes.

Green: I’ve been in a transitional period regarding my career, and I have been taking time to recharge and evolve. Working on my personal development.

Panel Two

Green lays out his vision.

Green: I feel a good sense of growth is coming from this, and I expect great things ahead.

Panel Three

Red and Blue have counterpoints that they express.

Red: You’ve been “recharging” for two weeks, you lazy asshole.

Blue: Sleeping all day doesn’t count as “personal development.”

Panel Four

Green storms off in a hurry.

Green: Oh, look. My social battery is drained.

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We’re waiting.

The Green Room: Editorializing Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 18th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

A black screen, with white text.

Caption: The Green Room: What is going on this week? Be ready for a blisteringly hot take from your host, Green.

Panel Two

Green is at his desk, his head buried in his clawed hands.

Panel Three

Green is still at his desk, his head still buried in his clawed hands.

Panel Four

Green extends his arms in frustration, shouting into the deaf ears of society.

Green: Someone fucking do something!

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That personal development training sure makes it gentler to let someone know they are the problem.

“I” Statements Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 4th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is relaying a story and wraps up his point. Blue responds.

Green: So yeah, he says I can’t borrow the car anymore and that sucks.

Blue: Okay, having heard you out…

Panel Two

Blue acknowledges Green’s views.

Blue: I see your perspective.

Panel Three

Blue talks about the validity of Green’s feelings.

Blue: I acknowledge your feelings on the issue. That does suck.

Panel Four

Blue continues using “I” statements.

Blue: But I still feel you are at fault, you sociopathic goblin.

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At this point, what is stopping them from just hauling your ass in and fixing you?

Targeted Marketing Targeting Target Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 2nd, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is speaking to Red about something he saw earlier.

Green: I saw an ad about free therapy today and thought of you.

Panel Two

Green thinks about it.

Panel Three

Green asks another question.

Green: Did you want the information?

Panel Four

Green presses the issue.

Green: You broke-ass crazy-pants?

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You can’t stop us from injecting ourselves into your party because we technically qualify as a webcomic.

Mandatory Comic Day Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 11th, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green, Red, and Blue are celebrating Webcomic Day!

Green: Happy Webcomic Day from your friends at RGBots!

Panel Two

Close-up of Red.

Red: You don’t have to like us.

Panel Three

Close-up of Blue.

Blue: But you do have to include us.

Panel Four

Close-up of Green.

Green: We get to go to more birthday parties that way.

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We all have our individual style with different friends. Green just happens to hate Red.

Morning Tradition Transcript

This is a transcript of the May 1st, 2026 RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is leaning into the frame, clearly addressing someone.

Green: Well, well, well… If it isn’t King Piss of Fuck-Shit Mountain.

Panel Two

The frame is pulled back, and we see he was addressing Red.

Panel Three

There is no reaction; this just hangs in the air.

Panel Four

The frame pulls in tighter as Red responds.

Red: Good morning to you, too, Green.

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Today’s magic number is “two.”

What’s Trending: By the Number Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 29th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is reading about the James Comey indictment – the second one.

Green: Oh wow, they indicted James Comey for posting the number 86-47 on his Instagram account? I wonder if they are planning on indicting me for my totally rad serial number?

Panel Two

Green recites his serial number.

Green: 86-47-69-420.

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If you can’t hear their accents, it may be that you’ve not been seeing the animated video files associated with each strip. Just click around and look very, very hard.

They’re there, I swear. This is not an attempt to dredge up more ad revenue.

Thank you for the question, ItsFriday!

Lost in Translation Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 28th 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Black void with white text.

Caption: ItsFriday Asks: I assume the language you speak is translated to human understandable English in the comics. How is your native language working?

Panel Two

Blue is first.

Blue: Actually, our native language is English. We just have wildly different accents.

Panel Three

Red chimes in as Blue continues her point.

Blue: I happen to speak with a Transatlantic accent. I thought it was fairly obvious.

Red: I’m sure it’s not hard to realize I come from Southern Texas.

Panel Four

Green is last to respond.

Green: And I speak with whatever British accent a sickly Victorian orphan spoke in.

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It’s the simple things.

Thank you for the question, CouchGregor!

Hobby Time Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 23rd 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Black void with white text.

Caption: CouchGregor Asks: What is the most comfortable element of your time?

Panel Two

Blue is first.

Blue: Bullying Red.

Panel Three

Green is second.

Green: Bullying Red.

Panel Four

Red is last to respond.

Red: I like to read.

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Nor will he ever feel the unbeatable status confirmed upon the double-bird.

A Bird In The Hand Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 14th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green has his hands aloft, thinking deeply about life.

Green: I have very few regrets…

Panel Two

Green pauses dramatically, thinking,

Panel Three

Green is still thinking about it.

Panel Four

Green realizes something.

Green: … but it still hurts that I will never know the pleasure of flipping someone off.

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We’re laughing our way to fiery deaths, but at least the jokes are fire. Fire, like the fiery deaths we are laughing our way to.

Red Dawning Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 8th, 2026, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red, Green, and Blue are having a conversation. Blue and Green seem okay, but Red seems stressed.

Green: Huh, so we seemed to narrowly avoid World War Three this week, huh?

Blue: Haha, same time next week?

Red: NNNGH.

Panel Two

Red crashes out, centered in the frame, shouting.

Red: WE CAN’T KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!

Panel Three

The camera is even closer to Red, but he can barely be seen behind his dialogue.

Red: WE ARE THE FROG IN THE POT AND TREATING ANY OF THIS AS A JOKE IS GOING TO BOIL US ALIVE!

Panel Four

We are even closer to red, but he is still barely seen because of the dialogue taking up the panel.

Red: HUMOR IS A MASK FOR DREAD, NOT THE SOLUTION!

You can ask the RGBots a question any time you’d like, and they may answer it in a comic! You can help support the comic with donations and subscriptions to the webhost.