I think Green is broken. This is the funniest thing to ever happen.

What’s Trending: Literally The Funniest Thing Imaginable Transcript

The following is a transcript of the October 18, 2023, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is reading the news.

Red: I guess they’re gonna start charging people to have Twitter accounts now. I refuse to call it X.

Green (off-screen): HAHAHAHA

Panel Two

Green has nearly collapsed to the floor and is on his knees. He can’t control his laughing. Red is concerned.

Green: HAHAHAHAHA

Red: Green?

It looks like the man who fucked the bird app, Elon, has joined the cast of RGBots again!

Birdfucker Continues Birdfuckery Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 3, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Elon Musk approaches alongside Green.

Red: Green! What are you doing with Elon “Birdfucker” Musk?

Elon: ‘ello! Can I buy you out?

Green: Elon, stop asking everyone that.

Panel Two

Close up of Elon Musk.

Green (off-screen): Birdfucker over here liked my ideas so much that he wants my help brainstorming new Twitter features. He really liked my idea of “Twitter Brown” as a supplemental service to Twitter Blue.

Elon: It’s crackin’ mate.

Panel Three

Red asks the obvious question.

Red: What is “Twitter Brown?”

Green: I have no idea. I just said the first stupid thing I could think of. I think it was poop and then brain did the rest.

Panel Four

Something is dawning on Green.

Green: Ther weird part is, he is adamant about who gets to access it. Hey, Red. Do why people from Pretoria have issues with black people? Y’know… historically?

You really fucked the bird this time, didn’t you Chief Twit?

People Are Saying It – He’s Doing It Now Transcript

This is a transcript of the November 1, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red and Green discuss the state of Twitter.

Red: Are you going to pay $8 a month for Twitter verification?

Green: Maybe.

Panel Two

Red is curious.

Red: Why?

Green: It depends on if I can be verified and change my display name to Elon “Birdfucker” Musk.

Panel Three

Red is doubtful.

Red: I doubt they’d allow that.

Green: Why not? They’d have my $8, and my Twitter handle wouldn’t be that. it’s satire.

Panel Four

Green looks into the camera.

Green: I heard freedom of speech is back. Right, Birdfucker?

Oh boy, #BenShapiro is trending.

What’s Trending – Kink Shapiro Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 28, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is reading the headlines.

Blue: Ben Shapiro is trending again for being humiliated in public. He gets off on it so hard it’s his first kink listed on his FetLife profile.

Panel Two

Blue stares at the reader.

Blue: You are now cursed with the idea of Ben Shapiro having a FetLife profile.

Hmmmm.

Why the 1990s were the last golden age of culture

Here, our critics tell us why the 90s mattered, and why we haven’t reached such artistic heights since https://t.co/3L0fADIx7z pic.twitter.com/Do6jLQZs3l

— The Telegraph (@Telegraph) April 27, 2022

What’s Trending – Non-Biased Objective Analysis Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 28, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is reading about a trending article.

Trending now from The Telegraph is “Why the 1990s were the last golden age of culture.”

Panel Two

Blue stares at the camera.

Blue: Why do I feel like the mostly consulted people in their mid-thirties?

Things seem normal and great on Johnny Apartheid’s bird app these days.

Brick Move Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 27, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue approaches Green to catch up after a hiatus.

Blue: Hey, Green. I heard you got locked out of Twitter for a week.

Panel Two

Green explains the situation.

Green: Haha, yep. I told Elon Musk that I hoped he would step on a LEGO brick.

Blue: You monster.

Panel Three

Green leans forward to share a secret with Blue.

Green: I learned my lesson though.

Blue: Really?

Panel Four

Green elaborates.

Green: Yeah, I should have wished someone else stepped on a LEGO brick so he could steal credit for it.

*smokes a cigarette and waits for the sweet release of lung cancer*

Man.

What’s Trending – “Commmunity” Transcript

This is a transcript of the second January 17, 2022, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is watching NFT idiot shenanigans trend online.

Red: The NFT community is so dumb that they spelled their hashtag with three “M’s” and got it trending.

Panel Two

Red looks to the viewer in a moment of honesty.

Red: No real joke, here. Just a quiet, sad desperation on my end for a world that makes more sense.

Human touch is one currency they will never be rich in.

Hug Don’t Hustle Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 30, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Red on the right, faces Blue on the Left.

Red: So the asshole slides into my thread and suggests I am not hustling enough.

Panel Two: A close-up of Blue’s lack of face and staring eye.

Blue: Did you ever think that maybe those “rise and grind” evangelists on Twitter only ever received an allowance instead of actual affection from their parents and they are emotionally deficient?

Panel Three: Red and Blue stare for a long moment.

Panel Four: Red looks up at Blue.

Red: I do now.

What’s a little head between friends anyway?

Lindsay It Ain’t So Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 28, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Green holds a cellphone to Red’s face.

Green: Hey, did you hear about Lindsay Ellis?

Panel Two: Red looks at the viewer.

Red: The dumbest thing going on right now?
The latest reason why people should be licensed and require a psych-evaluation to use social media?

Panel Three: Red turns to face Green.

Red: It’s a brutally dumb saga of someone posting a toothless criticism and people freaking out, making her freak out in turn, and later try to ride the drama for profit which didn’t pan out.

Panel Four: Green leans toward Red thoughtfully with a finger on his chin while Red stares on.

Green: Oh, I was gonna say I just discovered a YouTuber called Lindsay Ellis who does video essays.
What’s all this about?

Red: You have a fun road before you.

Nine times? This isn’t a competition.

What’s Trending – COVID Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 27, 2021 RGBots comic.

Panel One: Green scrolls through his cellphone.

Green: If you have legitimately had COVID nine times then you cease to be classified as human.

Panel Two: Green addresses the viewer.

Green: You are now labeled as an incubator.
Scientists will be picking you up shortly.

What do anti-vaxxers and NFT grifters have in common? They’re probably fans of Joe Rogan.

What’s Trending – Joe Rogan Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 16, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Blue scrolls through their phone in close up.

Blue: Joe Rogan is trending for having a guest on spreading COVID misinformation. The takes on it are unsurprising.
Read a response from on Twitter user named “Dr. Bitcoin” who was all in on Rogan’s podcast.

Panel Two: Blue addresses the viewer.

Blue: I though “Fuck, we’re about a week away from both scams really coming together to destroy us all.”
Anti-vaccine NFTs coming to the blockchain near you.
Burn through the forests and the population.

What is the opposite of “excelsior” Stan Lee fans?

What’s Trending: Stan Lee Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Dec. 14, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is reading some disturbing information.

Green: Can you believe that some dumb fucking social media manager is using Stan Lee’s Twitter account to promote an NFT release?

Panel Two

Green holds the phone up to Red.

Red: It’s like building a shooting gallery next to the Lincoln Memorial.

Absolutely gobbling up the low-hanging fruit of this Twitter trend about Nancy Reagan.

What’s Trending: Nancy Reagan Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Dec. 11, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is reading trending tweets about Nancy Reagan.

Blue: There is a lot of discussion on Twitter about how back in the day Nancy Reagan was the Throat Queen. I find that offensive.

Panel Two

Blue deadpans to the camera.

Blue: We’re a throat democracy, not a throat monarchy.

If this Joel Olsteen news comes as a shock or even news to you, you haven’t been paying attention.

What’s Trending: Joel Osteen Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Dec. 3, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Red is reading trending tweets on Joel Osteen.

Red: Huh, so Joel Osteen stole thousands of dollars from his church, huh?

Panel Two

Red continues his observation.

Red: If you are shocked by the thousands of dollars hidden in the walls of a church… wait until you hear about the skeletons in the closet at the Vatican. I Vatican’t even.

Mess with the Cusack and end up in a body bag.

John Cusak is all up in White Sox Dave’s grill @johncusack vs. @barstoolWSD

What a rivalry. pic.twitter.com/vvXB2XZVuD

— Viva La Stool (@VivaLaStool) October 11, 2021

What’s Trending: Cusack Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Oct. 11, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is reading all about the kerfuffle between John Cusack and White Sox Dave.

Green: Watching John Cusack absolutely rip a sports nerd to pieces for being a dumbass got me thinking… Was Martin Blank even a character?

Panel Two

Hyper-close-up of Green staring directly at the reader.

Green: Or was Grosse Point Blank a documentary of Cusack’s day-to-day life?

Sexual Anarchy sold out in the mid-1980s when they tried to make a hip-hop album and alienated most of their fans.

What’s Trending: Sexual Anarchy Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Oct. 8, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is reviewing Twitter trends. She is delighted to see “sexual anarchy” trending.

Blue: Sexual Anarchy is trending.

Panel Two

Blue recollects fondly on a past moment.

Blue: I remember their legendary set at CBGB in 1976 when they opened for Blondie.

We do appreciate a good zealot around here.

Please note that the original Tweet has been scrubbed from the web. Can’t even call him a clown because at least clowns believe in their performances.

What’s Trending: NFTs Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Sept. 27, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is checking out the Twitter trending tab. He reads a tweet.

Green: Oh boy, another thread about NFT garbage.

Tweet: Most people who make fun of NFTs

Own zero NFTs

Have never minted an NFT

Have never participated in a community

Have never staked their NFT

Haven’t built on-top of an NFT project

Have never earned an NFT playing a game

Missed out on BAYC, Punks, Cool Cats etc.

Panel Two

Green leans forward to make a point.

Green: I’ve never slammed a door on my genitals, either, but I know enough to realize it is a dumb idea.

The ongoing saga of Jake Paul continues in ‘Jake Paul: Cry for Attention.’

Through various negotiations from the last fight with some MMA guys and seeing some negotiations now..I find it ironic that these “real fighters” are hesitant to sign against me whilst I’m sat here waiting to sign with a hard on ready to go to battle against anyone.

— Jake Paul (@jakepaul) September 21, 2021

What’s Trending: Jake Paul Transcript

The following is a transcript of the Sept. 23, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is reviewing a trending tweet.

Green: Jake Paul is whining about professional athletes not agreeing to fight with him.

Panel Two

Green looks at the audience.

Green: But who wants to be caught getting into a fight with a child?

“You’ll be a dentist!”

The deleted tweet was a video of a super twitchy Winona Ryder.

That’s the stuff.

What’s Trending: Novocain Transcript

This is the transcript for the Sept 20, 2021 RGBots

Panel One

Green is reviewing the trending section of Twitter.

Green: “Novocain” is trending. I wonder what celeb got baked out of their minds at the Emmy Awards last night. …

Panel Two

Green is shocked.

Green: Oh, oh Jesus. Was her dentist Steve Martin from Little Shop of Horrors?

Same wormshit, different day.

#Dune director Denis Villeneuve on the MCU

"There are too many Marvel movies that are nothing more than a cut and paste of others"

(via @elmundoes) pic.twitter.com/78Lav1Iike

— ScreenTime (@screentime) September 16, 2021

The Spicy takes must flow… Transcript

This is the transcript for the Sept 16, 2021 RGBots

Panel One

Red is glancing off-screen as he talks about his topic for the comic today.

Red: So, Denis Villeneuve is the latest director to have a go at Marvel Studios’ movies.

Panel Two

Red continues.

Red: His comment was “there are too many Marvel movies that are nothing more than a cut and paste of others.” His opinion is perfectly fine and not inaccurate, but I always find this line of criticism hilarious.

Panel Three

We zoom in closer on Red.

Red: Formulas work because they are successful. So, it’s kind of a weird way to frame that these Marvel Studios movies are super successful because they have cracked the crowd-pleasing formula and are beloved.

Panel Four

Red glances at the reader.

Red: Just nobody tell him about the “hero’s journey” that is all over Dune, his next movie, an adaptation of a popular and influential science fiction novel.

Do you know sometimes dicks are called “Peters?” “Pieter” works as well.

What’s Trending – Pieter Transcript

This is the transcript for the July 28, 2021 RGBots

Panel One

Blue is looking at a tweet reply on her phone.

Blue: Huh, someone replying to a tweet about rising Coronavirus cases in Japan. Surely it is a rational, concerned –

Tweet: @BNODesk – NEW: Japan reports 9,576 new coronavirus cases, by far the biggest one-day increase on record.

Reply: Pieter – And how many regular flu cases? Non again?

Panel Two

Blue is delighted.

Blue: Wow! This dude shares a name with Pieter de Vries from the classic sci-fi novel Dune! He was an asshole too!

No, I will not get over the fact a grown adult millionaire writer’s explanation for wizard bathrooms was that they just shit their robes.

Hogwarts didn't always have bathrooms. Before adopting Muggle plumbing methods in the eighteenth century, witches and wizards simply relieved themselves wherever they stood, and vanished the evidence. #NationalTriviaDay

— Wizarding World (@wizardingworld) January 4, 2019

What’s Trending – JK Rowling Transcript

This is the transcript for the July 20, 2021 RGBots

Panel One

Blue is checking out Twitter on her smartphone as she reviews the news and trending tab.

Blue: JK Rowling is trending today. Why is anyone paying attention to her after her “brilliant worldbuilding” established that Wizard used to just shit themselves and magic it away prior to indoor plumbing?

Panel Two

Blue deadpans towards the camera.

Blue: At least the Muggles were civilized enough to shit in pots. What’s Merlin’s excuse?

Genre absolutism is the only thing that is potentially worse than absolutism.

Insane tweethread here:

Settle an argument: is Alien a horror film? Give reasons why pls

— Elle Hunt (@elle_hunt) April 6, 2021

What’s Trending – Space Horror Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 6, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Blue is scanning her smartphone and commenting on something on Twitter.

Blue: So someone suggested that horror could not be set in space, today. And then followed it up with this gem.

Caption: Yes. Horror is predicated on the fear of the other, the unfamiliar in the world as we know it – space, we already don’t know it.

Panel Two

Blue stares at the reader, dumbfounded.

Blue: That argument is the Tweet equivalent of 2 + 2 = 22. The parts are in place but the conclusion is incorrect.

It was a real buzzbomb if I recall correctly.

What’s Trending: Bulletproof Reasoning Transcript

This is a transcript of the April 5, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green is glancing at the trends on his phone.

Green: It looks like Pasadena is trending on Twitter today. I went there once.

Panel Two

Green mugs at the camera.

Green: A lot of highly aggressive old drivers there. I heard one of them, an old lady, got in a shootout at the 7-11.

Well speak of the devils!

What’s Trending – The Heritage Foundation

This is a transcript of the March 22, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green scrolls through his cellphone.

Green: Hey, it looks like The Heritage Foundation is trending as well.

Red: Oh, I see.

Panel Two:

Green holds the cellphone for Red to see.

Red: So it’s a complete rebranding of the Legion of Doom.