That’ll learn her to have an honest conversation.

New Year, Old Habits Transcript

This is a transcript of the second December 30, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Red stands facing right in close-up.

Red: Hey Blue, tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.
Do you have a resolution for next year?

Panel Two: Blue looks up and raises and hand in thought.

Blue: Hmm.
Can’t say I do, I always found the whole New Year’s Resolution thing to create unreasonable expectations over things we can’t really control.

Panel Three: A close-up of Blue’s eye filled head.

Blue: I just find it is easier to tell myself “I’ll try to do a little better this year” and leave it at that.

Panel four: Both Red and Blue look at each other.

Red: My resolution is to listen to less boring sermons.

Blue: Dick.

Human touch is one currency they will never be rich in.

Hug Don’t Hustle Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 30, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Red on the right, faces Blue on the Left.

Red: So the asshole slides into my thread and suggests I am not hustling enough.

Panel Two: A close-up of Blue’s lack of face and staring eye.

Blue: Did you ever think that maybe those “rise and grind” evangelists on Twitter only ever received an allowance instead of actual affection from their parents and they are emotionally deficient?

Panel Three: Red and Blue stare for a long moment.

Panel Four: Red looks up at Blue.

Red: I do now.

What’s a little head between friends anyway?

Lindsay It Ain’t So Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 28, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Green holds a cellphone to Red’s face.

Green: Hey, did you hear about Lindsay Ellis?

Panel Two: Red looks at the viewer.

Red: The dumbest thing going on right now?
The latest reason why people should be licensed and require a psych-evaluation to use social media?

Panel Three: Red turns to face Green.

Red: It’s a brutally dumb saga of someone posting a toothless criticism and people freaking out, making her freak out in turn, and later try to ride the drama for profit which didn’t pan out.

Panel Four: Green leans toward Red thoughtfully with a finger on his chin while Red stares on.

Green: Oh, I was gonna say I just discovered a YouTuber called Lindsay Ellis who does video essays.
What’s all this about?

Red: You have a fun road before you.

Nine times? This isn’t a competition.

What’s Trending – COVID Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 27, 2021 RGBots comic.

Panel One: Green scrolls through his cellphone.

Green: If you have legitimately had COVID nine times then you cease to be classified as human.

Panel Two: Green addresses the viewer.

Green: You are now labeled as an incubator.
Scientists will be picking you up shortly.

What do anti-vaxxers and NFT grifters have in common? They’re probably fans of Joe Rogan.

What’s Trending – Joe Rogan Transcript

This is a transcript of the December 16, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One: Blue scrolls through their phone in close up.

Blue: Joe Rogan is trending for having a guest on spreading COVID misinformation. The takes on it are unsurprising.
Read a response from on Twitter user named “Dr. Bitcoin” who was all in on Rogan’s podcast.

Panel Two: Blue addresses the viewer.

Blue: I though “Fuck, we’re about a week away from both scams really coming together to destroy us all.”
Anti-vaccine NFTs coming to the blockchain near you.
Burn through the forests and the population.

Ever been cut with a pasta crimper?

Do you want to?

Boiling Mad Transcript

This is the transcript for the June 22, 2021 RGBots

Panel One: Red faces the viewer and addresses them.

Red: Welcome to Culinary Crackdown, the food panel show.
Today, Penne v. Rigatoni.
Chef Green, opening remarks?

Panel Two: a close-up of Green.

Green: Penne is the superior pasta shape as it allows for just enough collection of sauce as not to overpower the tastebuds when it comes to the pasta itself.
This allows for a more balanced flavor profile.

Panel Three: A close-up of Red.

Red: Thank you Chef.
Your response, Chef Blue?

Panel Four: A close up of Blue.

Blue: You raggedly little penne-eating bitch.
I will cut you where you fucking  stand you little green shit stain.

All this fighting for some gas station taquitos. :\

Sustenance Transcript

This is the transcript for the June 17, 2021 RGBots

Panel One: Green stands in the background. Blue faces Red with their back to us.

Blue: I haven’t eaten in three days.

Green: So? You’re a robot.
Robots don’t eat.

Panel Two: A close up on Blue’s eyeball of a face.

Blue: (In giant text) NANi?!

Panel Three: Green’s arms are raised in self-defense.

Blue: THEN WHY DID YOU KEEP SELLING ME FOOD?

Green: You just kept buying trash from me and saying “yummy nummy” and I didn’t question it!

Panel Four: Green walks away with an angry expression as Blue stares shock.

Green: If anything, I should be Mad at you.
I could have eaten that trash!

Sex safely, everyone.

Pro Boner Transcript

This is the transcript of the June 15, 2021 RGBots

Panel One: Green, on the left, leans toward Red, on the right.

Green: Hey Red, do you practice safe sex?

Panel Two: The two bots in close up.

Red: Why yes, I happen to have a sex lawyer on retainer.

Green: A sex lawyer?

Panel Three: A close up of Red in all his stumpy glory.

Red: Certainly, it is to ensure any dirty talk is not actionable in court.

Panel Four: Green leans toward Red with a finger on his chin thinking.

Red: As I say, don’t let a one-night stand put you on the stand.

Green: Heh. Cunnilitigation.

“Child, this is how you dismember a torso. Remember, smaller pieces are dissolve much faster in the acid.”

Parental Guidance Transcript

This is the transcript for the June 10, 2021 RGBots.

Panel One: A close up of Red looking at the viewer.

Red: Oh. . .
Oh God, oh God. . .

Panel Two: Red, on the left, faces Blue on the right.

Red: Blue. . . you won’t believe. . .

Panel Three: A close-up of the two bots together.

Blue: Shh.
Shhhh.

Panel Four: A close-up on Blue’s faceless face.

Blue: Let momma show you how to hide the body.

The internet has enabled the urge to roll around in the muck of depravity so much stronger.

A Robot of Particular Tastes Transcript

This is a transcript of the June 8, 2021 RGBots.

Panel One: Green stands in the background facing Blue, who is facing away from the viewer.

Green: I made a mistake of checking out Red’s favorites on his DeviantArt account.

Blue: Mistake? What do you mean?

Green: Okay. You asked.

Panel Two: Green leans forward intently.

Green: Do you remember that Disney cartoon? “Gummi Bears”?

Blue: You mean “Adventures of the Gummi Bears”?

Green: Yes, you huge fucking nerd.

Panel Three: Green, on the left, leans toward Blue, on the right.

Green: Well, he has a favorite folder full of pictures of the Gummi Bears.

Blue: So he’s a fan? Not super weird.

Green: It’s more about what he titled the folder, Blue.

Panel Four: The bots are shown in full body. Blue stares into the middle distance.

Green: “Cummy Bears.”
The folder is called “Cummy Bears”, Blue.

Ever had a conversation with an utter moron? How about two of them?

Bots on Bots

This is a transcript of the March 23, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Blue has a hand raised while speaking.

Blue: Red, who is your favorite pop-culture robot?

Red: I dunno, Iron Man?

Blue: . . . Iron Man?
Iron Man isn’t a fucking robot.

Panel Two:

Blue and Red face each other in discussion.

Blue: He’s Robert Downey Jr. in a Costume!

Red: Well, I mean, the suit has an A.I. and it can operate by itself –

Panel Three:

Blue standing alone.

Blue: Red, you fucking idiot.
The A.I. is just a subservient tool for the human in the suite!
We need real, autonomous robotic icons disconnected from humanity.
What about you, Green? Who is your favorite pop-culture robot?

Panel Four:

Green stands with his arms raised in excitement, Red and Blue face him.

Green: I like Cyborg from that Justice League movie.

Red: Oh yeah, he’s cool.

Blue: Damn it.

Well speak of the devils!

What’s Trending – The Heritage Foundation

This is a transcript of the March 22, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One

Green scrolls through his cellphone.

Green: Hey, it looks like The Heritage Foundation is trending as well.

Red: Oh, I see.

Panel Two:

Green holds the cellphone for Red to see.

Red: So it’s a complete rebranding of the Legion of Doom.

Well, #JusticeLeague was trending over the weekend.

What’s Trending – Elon Musk, Dr. Oz, and the Boston Marathon Bomber

This is a transcript of the March 22, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Red is looking at a cellphone which Green’s arm is holding.

Red: Elon Musk, Dr. Oz, and the Boston Marathon Bomber are all trending on a Monday.

Panel Two:

Red is looking at the viewer.

Red: Did the Legion of Doom announce their new roster to take advantage of the media cycle for the week?

And now a word from our sponsors.

Commercial Break #4

This is a transcript of the March 16, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Blue stands facing the viewer.

Blue: YOUR WATER IS NOW OUR WATER.

Panel Two:

A close-up on Blue’s lack of face.

Blue: THOSE WHO WISH TO DRINK MUST PAY LEGAL TENDER TO SATISFY THE DEMANDS OF THE INVESTORS.

Panel Three:

Still the close-up. Still no face.

Blue: THIS IS THE LAW OF THE LAND.

Panel Four:

Blue raises an arm, looking up.

Blue: Sponsored by Nestlé.

It was very strange to wake up and see my nickname trending.

What’s Trending – #TheCumPipe

This is a transcript of the March 15, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green is scrolling through his phone.

Green: #TheCumPipe is trending at about 7:30 AM on a Monday.

Panel Two:

Green looks up at the viewer.

Green: I don’t know if the credit goes to Horny Twitter, Shitposting Twitter, or Black Twitter, but. . .
Bravo.

Poop is funny.

Scattered Thoughts

This is a transcript of the March 11, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green, standing straight, looks at the viewer.

Green: Some people have suggested that our humor here at RGBots is “scatalogical”.

Panel Two:

Green leans forward sassily.

Green: The problem with that theory is that I have never played “Scattergories”.

Panel Three:

Green stares silently.

Panel Four:

Green towers over the viewer like a mad tyrant god, squinting.

Green: Checkmate, atheists.

Why would anyone think that the problems with the movie would be solved by… adding more of the source?

Like A Wet Fart

This is a transcript of the March 9, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Red and Blue stand facing each other in conversation.

Red: So, the Zack Snyder cut of Justice League is coming out next week.
Are you going to watch it?

Panel Two:

We are closer to both bots.

Blue: No, I doubt I will.

Red: Why Not?

Panel Three:

Blue stands alone, with one arm raised and looking skyward.

Blue: Hm.
How to explain. . .

Panel Four:

Blue’s face, such as it is, is in close up.

Blue: I already took a two-hour shit before. . . why would I want to take a four-hour version?

If any of this is surprising you probably haven’t looked at history.

What’s Trending – The Royal Family

This is a transcript of the March 8, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green is scrolling on his cellphone.

Green: Apparently, the Royal Family is trending because of some Oprah interview with Harry and Megan.
People are shocked – SHOCKED! = by what they are hearing.

Panel Two:

Green, having lowered the phone, addresses the viewer.

Green: Who knew the family responsible for killing Princess Diana, because she was dating an Egyptian man, was racist?
Nobody could see it coming.

Excrelscior!

Rumbly in the Tumbly

This is a transcript of the March 4, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Green is leaning toward Red.

Green: I am worried about my digestive health.

Red: Why is that?

Panel Two:

Green, still leaning in toward Red, has a finger under his lip in thought.

Green: It’s mostly due to my asshole. It keeps talking to me.

Panel Three:

Green places his hands on his hips. Red looks on.

Red: What? Really? What could it possibly be saying?

Panel Four:

Green’s eyes take up the whole panel.

Green: A lot of shit.

Jesus, Blue. Calm down.

Indiana Jones and the Sexual Awakening

This is a transcript of the March 2, 2021, RGBots comic.

Panel One:

Blue stands looking at the viewer.

Blue: Remember that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Indiana Jones chokes that Nazi lady?

Panel Two:

We are slightly closer to Blue

Blue: Harrison Ford’s thick, rugged fingers gripped around her delicate throat?

Panel Three:

We are in Blue’s “face” as it were.

Blue: Him dwarfing her as she is completely in his grasp, staring up at him?

Panel Four:

We have thankfully backed away from Blue.

Blue: Because I sure do.